Beginning to See Clearly

I am ready to launch all this to the public, finally having language for what has ailed, what happened, and a whole lot of understanding about WHY it all went down the way it did.  

My youngest children are now 12 years old, and so I have enormous freedom of time and thought to tend to all these things here at EFL which are always weighing so much on my heart and mind.  

Still learning tools and skills to feel and heal and go forward in wholeness, I am working to consolidated ALL the info and insights we have gathered.  Moving blog posts, editing, and sorting through stacks of papers and digital material is now on the To DO list for each day.  It feels great to be strong again, and able to mentally grasp sharing.  Stay tuned for more audio, a brand new video series, and much more.  Thank you so much for joining me along this journey.  YOU are a treasure.  

If you'd like to listen to the music I use to worship as I write and work, you can hear it here.  

Continuing on,

Katherine Elizabeth

July 29, 2025

Still in the Castle

Update

As of this writing, I am well into the healing journey resulting from having been reared by someone who has recently been diagnosed with Cluster B personality disorder, among other mental illnesses.   

Due to a major health set back, I have been unable to update much here, or get into the 3rd audio series which I hope to record.  

As I continue to study, looking for God's principles and for a way forward, I am learning more and more all the time.  One major thing we understand now is that we can seem to have traits of NPD if we were reared in a family system that worked to hide their shame.  New skills can be learned (ask us how we know!!), and hope is there for those who were reared to be commodities rather than individuals.  

If that resonates, this audio album is what we're currently working through in order to feel like people again (or for the first time).  I highly recommend it.

The ebook with a working title,  Hope for Narcissism, is somewhere in my heaps of papers.  As I get strength and energy, I hope to get that self-published soon. 

I am also nearly ready to offer life coaching again and continue to offer sessions for those with specific AHS issues.  

We know many are facing the uncomfortable realties of relating to people who have narcissistic traits.  Hope to share more here SOON!

Thanks for stopping by. Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions.  :)  

I'm at exuberantforlife@gmail.com. 

Shalom!

With love and respect,

Kate

edited 7/29/25

Phase 2 ~ What Hope Is There?

Thank you for stopping by! 

My first deep dive into "narcissism" led me to some information which went opposite what I learned in my culture. I dove in because I longed to understand many in my life who seemed stunted by this problem. I also wondered (and worried) if perhaps I suffered from it. 

The primary fact I came to know is that narcissism is not a self-love problem...but instead is more of a self-loathing problem. 

Lacking knowledge of this, and other, fundamental principle (s) causes damaging cycles to be fueled and worse, continued.

My second (and current dive) leads me to even more and different info, which gets to the heart of what is needed broadly in my culture, my family and too within myself. 

Essentially, the inability to regulate the right brain emotion of shame is what causes NPD. 

For those who are learning to feel healthy shame, it helps to know:

1) It's good and necessary to feel it

2) We're designed to feel it and get back to feeling peaceful and joyful within 90 seconds by the time we're 4 years old

3) Others have felt it and survived 

4) If we've reached a certain level of maturity, ("level 2") we can learn to feel it and bet back to peace.

If you're interested in following this blog to read new posts, please feel free to subscribe to receive notice by email each time I publish. I won't ever send you spam.

~Kate Mazur

January 8, 2020

Beginning to See Into the Fog of Pain

If you've followed my other blogs you might know I've spent 14 years TRYING to get to the point where I can be honest about something terrible.

As a lover of God, it's been a horrible fight to wrestle with the reality of a certain problem and it's impact on my life, my innards, my beliefs and so much more.

As I've sought the LORD for answers and also looked the world over,  narcissism is something that I have had to face.  It's something which is NOT pleasant and the ramifications of being intimately related to someone who suffers from it is...well, like living hell on earth.

My own emotional immaturity has been the cause of much of my silence, and while I had the vision to share here (and elsewhere), I could not get to my OWN pain in order to process and heal it.  It's as though I was frozen from being able to get to the junk.

To be very clear,  I have sought wise counsel in order to know what to do.  Where from?  The first place: the scriptures. 

When a parent, especially a mother, has a personality disorder like narcissism, it can be brutal to understand how to walk that out.  The old and new testaments are full of clear instruction on how to handle parents AND how to deal with stiff-necked, foolish sorts. 

The colossal battle is what on earth to do when a parent is BOTH of those things!!!??

Oh my.

Know that honoring my mom has been number 1 on my heart and has driven my actions for much of my 46 years. 

The second place I've looked is the Body of Christ, and the third has been anyone I felt nudged to read/listen to who has info on narcissistic personality disorder.  Finding principles to help victims of parental abuse (especially from a mother) has been nearly impossible...UNTIL NOW.

I'm so grateful for and to my husband who has been digging into all this stuff too, and sharing tidbits and resources as he goes.

In subsequent posts I'll share details of WHAT he has shared with me recently, why he shared it  and where he got the information. 

Stay tuned.  Feel free to subscribe if you want to get notified when I post again. 

~Kate M
Christmas evening
Michigan

What I Am Not & The Reasons Why

I am not a counselor or therapist.  I am a person with a vision...to see people FREE to be themselves and to let the awesomeness inside be expressed in life giving ways.  I long to see those stuck in narcissistic patterns be free to love and trust and receive.  Is it possible?  I can see the way!  It's not always clear and is sometimes quite mirky and tricky...but I believe it's there.  Being led by the One Who Indwells is a very nice way to make one's way through it all....(though easy it is not!).

I love tackling impossible things because I know they're all possible for the One I love and serve.  

Over the years as I have developed my own understanding looking for answers to what narcissism is, how it comes about, and spreads, and what to DO about it (maybe).  

Seeking practical and real answers rooted in Truth, I stumbled upon some intriguing, often upsetting, and very useful information by experts who are not necessarily widely known to those who are schooled in traditional ideas of narcissism.  I had the pleasure of compiling THEIR information, testing it out in layman situations in my own life, and with others who were willing.   We found some principles work~ at least for some who have not been diagnosed with NPD.

According to one doctor, bible scholar and pastor, there aren't enough therapists in all the world to help the numerous masses who NEED help with this (and other such) issue/s.  According to his statistics, 25% of the population has the skills necessary to be gentle with this sort of weakness (narcissism is a weakness - both from lack of skills as well as being groomed in a whole lot of something NO person should have to grow up dealing with!).  He says in another generation those with the gentle skills will disappear.

My goal is to help connect those of us who were reared in narcissistic family cultures with those who have the skills needed in order to function well both inside and in relationship with others.  It's a huge goal and I am working toward it in my own life and as I work with others.  There's a lot of really damaging information floating around out there which, as I see it, makes things much worse not only for the person struggling with narcissism but also with those few brave souls who are in their inner circles.  I want to shed light in dark places so that freedom can be had!!

Since it's my passion to receive Truth from the One Who Best knows the human psyche, the inner man & family backgrounds, I have spent several years learning about the problem, finding the world (and even the church) seemed to have no answers or real hope, cried out to HIM for mercy and help for our generation and then followed many nudges along the way as He led me from resource to resource.  I have taken what I learned and applied it, with much pain along the way, and believe there IS a way forward in this area.  

I leave you these materials in order to ponder for yourself if, like me, you're called to tackle this issue within your generation, family and culture.

I am convinced the God of Abraham is also willing to share His insight with others and am excited and grateful that He is leading you and will continue as you ROTC: rely on, obey, trust in and Cling to Him in the process.  BLESSINGS to you as you follow Him!!!!

~Kate M.

What Is Needed? The Problem & A Vision

If people are reared without empathy, there are some really awful things they know to be normal.  Sometimes these adored people (adored by God and yet not often by those closest to them) need help to understand a new normal.  

When we try to keep them on the hook (hold them accountable for what they do and say) but we do it before we give them empathy, it doesn't work.  

Why?  I have no idea.  It has something to do with the brain.  And sequences.  

Brain science has revealed SO much in the past decade!  It's amazing to me all the things which are coming to the surface as understanding and AHA! moments occur.  In my case, it happens within my head and heart and innards as I deal with myself, and others, and keep learning and listening and applying and trying.  

What if people start sowing differently?  

What if we can help people begin to believe that there really are safe people out there?  What if they really can develop pathways in their brain to feel right brained shame rather than building systems and relational structures to keep shame away?

I have pondered, wrestled and won.  I am so eager to share with you...though if you have a clinical background you might be very put off by my stuff.  

Remember, I am putting this out there for the Do It Yourself crowd who will not darken the door of a therapist.

As my friend Arthur Burk says, "There has to be a better way!"

More hopefully to come soon.  

KM

~The Castle 

Lake Ann, MI

Confessions

I admit it.  I'm swamped.  With six children under foot 24/7 I am at a loss for time to write blog posts for you about narcissism!

Plus, I have a rough draft of an ebook with nearly 50 pages completed...but I am not able to get TO IT with so much going on in my world.

Did I mention I'm in charge of educating all six of the kiddos?  AND we live in less than 800 square feet.  I have NO space to hide way and write. 

For the sake of caring for myself in order to be decent to them (and the hubby who makes all this possible) I need to keep my sanity.  Writing takes ENORMOUS effort for me and I selfishly refuse to loose sleep in order to get that book written!!!

So, while I might have a gift to communicate via written word, I have very little time to utilize my gift-of-gab right now during this fantastically jammed full season of rearing my kids.

What I can share is a whole lot of podcasts of my journey as I learn principles of narcissism.

I also share a whole lot of materials I researched, dug through, cried over, talked with hubby and close friends about and eventually used to extract concepts and principles which helped ME make a difference not only in my own life but in my marriage and in our children's lives.

With eleven podcasts going I am only JUST beginning to tell the story; there's so much to tell.

As I go, each year I get better at recording and editing and handling all the oodles of behind-the-scenes stuff you won't ever know about which simply MUST happen in order to get audio and written materials published.

Thank you so much for taking time to check out this site. 
Blessings to you on YOUR journey!
Kate M